Funny, how life turns out. It seems that the issues we have as younger persons often trail after us.
For me, it's the problem with saying "no" to someone, especially when it comes to writing. I've gotten myself into more fruitless endeavors than I care to count.
Today I took a major step forward. I quit a perfectly good part-time writing job job. Why? The pay was minimal, and they expected layout as well as writing.
More importantly, the editor drove me nuts, for many very bad reasons. And, most importantly, deep down in my soul I had warning feelings about this gig.
I just plain didn't WANT to do it. But my logical, analytical mind pointed out all the positives with the job. Those points were all correct, which made it harder.
But I didn't WANT to do it, and I didn't feel "right" about it. So I took a deep breath, prepared myself for some nastiness, and stepped off the edge of that cliff and resigned, in two sentences.
Turns out, it was pretty easy.
I've come to realize that writing talent is a precious gift and it shouldn't be scattered among the masses. It needs to be cherished instead of worked to death. It needs to be nutured.
It needs to have its own voice, its own needs and desires. Creativity is not a draft horse to be hooked up to anyone's plow. It's a mustang, running wild and free. It needs to be cherished for itself, and enjoyed as it is.
"As it is" doesn't include logic and what you "should" do. When you hear and feel the thundering hooves, then you're in tune with something majestic, something beyond mere logic. Those are the moments that count.
I no longer have to plow many fields to feed myself. And, honestly, along the way, I've often plowed others' fields I shouldn't have because I thought it was a "must do."
No. The only "must do" is to give my creativity freedom, to turn it loose to run with the wind.
And lean back and enjoy the ride.